Undecided
by DeanLicker92
Summary: Bella and Jasper are the cutest couple in Forks, but what will happen when Edward interferes with their relationship? Slash and lemons.
1. Chapter 1 Confession

**A/N: I'm really sorry everyone but somewhere in the middle of writing this I got a totally new story plot in mind and so I had a lot of editing to do. The second chapter will be up real soon and be ready for a lot of changes. I hope you like it, please review it only helps me get more and more ideas.**

**Oh yeah, I don't own Twilight.**

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**When the final bell for school rang I couldn't be happier. It was finally the weekend and that meant two things. First, no school to worry about for a few days, and second, that I would get to go home and have an amazing night with my boyfriend of 6 months, Jasper Hale. Jasper is the big man on campus at school, he's popular and all the girls want him, but yet he chose me, Bella Swan, the quiet girl who sits in the back of each class and actually does her homework. A lot of people are against Jasper and I but honestly, I am in love with him; he's the perfect guy for me and I'm not going to let anything or anyone interfere.

As I walked to my truck to go home and relax for the day, I was surprised by a hand wrapping around my waist and settling in the small of my back. I immediatly knew who it was, Jacob Black, also known as the boy who followed me everywhere, got angry whenever I was talking to another guy, and who was always laying down cheesy pick-up lines hoping to one day get in my pants.

"Hey Bells! Lookin' good today..." he trailed off, staring directly down my shirt. I hate being so short compared to him.

"Uh thanks, Jacob. But I... um... kinda gotta go," I said as I tried to wriggle free of his hand on my back.

"Oh, you and the _boyfriend_ got a special 'thing' planned tonight?" he asked grumpily.

"No actually I have to go home and cook dinner for Charlie. See you later." I didn't think I could get away from the creep fast enough.

As I pulled into the driveway I noticed Jasper's car sitting in the spot Charlie always parked his moronic squad car. Once I got to the door I could see my bedroom light on and a soft music playing in the kitchen. I wonder what Jasper has planned for us tonight, I thought with a slight hope that he didn't want anything past what we had already done.  
I turned the knob and walked inside only to find Jasper sprawled out on the couch watching tv and a large gift sitting in the middle of the dining room table.  
_Shit.  
_  
"Please please please tell me thats not for me. Or for my birthday..." I groaned as I plopped myself down next to Jasper on the couch.

He didn't say anything, the only response I got for him was a cute half smile, so I assumed it was. I left out a long sigh as I got off the couch. I figured I might as well get it over with and open it. As I got over to the table I examined the gift before even touching it. It was wrapped in a bright red wrapping paper with a large, silvery bow on top of it. There was a card attatched to it, I can do cards. I opened it to read:

_Bella darling,  
Please forgive me, I know you hate presents,  
But I HAD to get this for you, it was perfect.  
Just like you : ]  
XOXOXOX -Your spider man._Okay so that had to be the cutest card ever. Time to see what this "perfect" present was. I took off the top of the gift box to reveal a very tiny square box laying in the bottom. I reached in to pull it out and opened the lid up. I knew it was jewelry from the moment I laid eyes on it. But I didn't know it was _this_ kind of jewelry. This kind is the kind boyfriends give to their girlfriends when they did something horrible and want you to take them back.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"What the hell did you do that you're giving me a 'Yes-I'm-Guilty-But-Please-Take-Me-Back ring?'" I stated calmly, hoping my assumptions were wrong.

"Well... umm... that's what I came to talk about..." he said as a wave of extreme guilt came on to his face. "I... uh, do you remember the weekend you went to visit your mom? Well I went to this party... and.... you see... I-I got really drunk and... um... you know what happens when I drink... and Jessica was the only girl there so... I... um... yeah," he stuttered slightly.

"AND?" I screamed, "You did WHAT exactly?"

"Well... we had sex. But it wasnt GOOD sex... It was quite bad actually. But again, I was drunk." He said quickly, with an almost proud tone in his voice.  
I couldn't speak. I couldn't hear. I couldn't feel my body at all anymore. I felt like novacaine had just been shot through my entire body and my heart was going to stop from pure shock. Finally I came back to earth and was able to speak again. "What the fuck Jasper. Seriously, I go away for one fucking weekend and THIS happens? Some fucking boyfriend you are! I can't believe this happened! How can I EVER trust you again? And that bitch..." I practically blew up on him. Just then I couldn't hold back any longer and tears started rolling down my cheeks. The next thing I knew I was on the floor hardly breathing. I could faintly see Jasper rushing out of the house, I knew it was Jasper because I heard the familiar sound of his car start and then he drove away.

Once it hit me that he wasn't coming back the only thing I could think of was to go get my cellphone. I wobbled up the stairs considering my body was still in shock of Jaspers' confession. I picked up my phone which was on the charger and dialed Edward Cullen's number, who has been my best friend for three years now. He was the one I could talk to about anything and everything, and I usually did. He always backs me up and takes my side and noone elses. He would be the perfect person for this situation. He picked up after three rings.

"Bells?"

"Edward, hey can you... please come over?"

"Sure thing, wait are you okay?"

"No. I'm not. In any way."

There was no response on the other end of the call so I waited for a second, and then I heard the roar of the engine of Edwards' Volvo, he would be here in roughly five minutes. And this would feel like the longest five minutes ever.


	2. Chapter 2 What a Girl Wants

Edward arrived at my house sooner than I thought he would. When he got there I was sitting in a chair at the dining room table with tears streaming down my cheeks.

"My goodness Bella, what did Jasper do to you?" was the first thing Edward said when he walked in the door.

I didn't say anything I just pointed at the box in the center of the table that was still there from earlier. He sighed and asked me to explain. Once I did explain, Edward's normally pale white skin turned fiery red and he started mumbling to himself. I didn't know what to say, or do, so I did what I usually do when something terrible happens and Edward is with me. I wrapped my arms around his body and he pressed me into his chest. These hugs normally last for minutes at a time, but tonight I was feeling especially horrible so I held on longer, and tighter. After a while Edward pulled away.

"Bells, I'm so sorry, I don't know why he would do this t-" Edward was interrupted by a small buzzing noise.

It was my phone. I ran over to it to see who it was and the screen read "Jasper." I had no idea what to do, so I hit send.

"What?" I snapped into the phone, making my fury noticeable.

"Look Bella, I'm really sorry about everything and I just wanted to let you know... well I feel _horrible_ about it and... well I was just wondering... if we can still be friends?" He asked in a hopefull tone.

I had nothing to say to him, so I hit end and set the phone back on the table. I looked up and Edward was staring at the present with deep hatred for it.  
"Take it outside if you want, it means nothing to me but a lie. Six months of lies."

Later on after I made dinner for Charlie and put it in the fridge, we decided that I needed to get some sleep, and Edward would stay the night, like always. While I took a nice, relaxing shower and put on my pajamas Edward went downstairs to pick out a movie for us to watch. As we were watching the movie I began to think more and more about Jasper. Even though I am furious with him and his actions, I miss him _so_ much. I must have thought out loud because Edward responded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I just miss him so much. I don't know what to do. How can I be _so _furious with him but yet still want him back? It just doesn't make any sense," my voice trembled.

"Bella, does anything every truly make sense? That's just how the world is. Your feelings for him are mixed yes, but in the end, he cheated. That's not right. I think you should have some dignity and walk away from it all. You do not deserve to be treated like that."

Without saying another word I grabbed my phone and dailed Jaspers number. He picked up after two rings.

"Bella?!"

"Come over. We need to talk."

"Be right over"

I snapped the phone shut without saying goodbye. This talk could make or break this relationship. Edward decided that he would just hide in the closet until Jasper left. The whole time I waited for Jasper my stomach was tieing itself into giant knots. The worst part about the whole thing was, if me and Jasper were to get back together, I would _have_ to give in to his pressure to move foward in our relationship. Or he would cheat again. I have very defined beliefs on sex, I believe you should only do it if you are _absolutely positive_ that you love the person. Sure I love him, but do I _love_ him that much? Is this really what I wanted?

Just then I heard a car door slam shut and raced down the stairs, opening the door before he even got up to it. Here goes nothing, or everything.

"Hey" was the first thing I could get myself to say. It was so strange talking to him, after what happened the last time we talked. He didn't say anything, but he pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me. He was warm, and this hug felt more like a friendship hug than a hug that is shared between two lovers. I pulled away as fast as I could.

"You are here because we need to talk," I said with a harsh tone.

"Ok. What did you want to talk about?"

"I think you _know_ that one. I just want to know why, what did I do to you to possibly deserve all this."

"Nothing, nothing at all. I just couldn't control myself, I'm so sorry. It was just you wouldn't do it and I went _so _long without it that I just had to! My body wouldn't let me say no... This is the reason why I think we should just strictly be friends. I don't want you to have to go through all this anymore, Bella. You have to admit that over the past few months we've been growing apart, I just don't know how we could ever get it back to how it used to be. I do love you Bella, I'm just not _in _love with you." he spoke, trying desperatly to convince me.

"Jasper, I can't do that. Not after all that we have been through, it just seems so awkward," I said, my bottom lip forming a pout. What has gotten into me, I'm like begging for him back.

There was a long pause as I thought about everything. I want him back, but he just wants to be friends. I felt like I was dying inside. The saying is true, _"A girl wants what she can't have."_

The room was still completely silent, I was waiting on him to speak before I did.  
"Jasper! I love you! You cannot do this to me," I said as tears started pouring down my face, taking my eye makeup with.

I didn't speak, all I could do was press myself into his chest and inhale. His smell, how badly I had missed that smell. I suddenly felt that everything I had ever wanted was right in front of my eyes, I was touching it, smelling it and taking it all in, and I could no longer have it. I loved him and he loved me -- as a friend. Without taking even another second to think I pulled away slightly and tilted my head up to meet his. I gazed at him for a long minute and crashed my lips to his. I kissed him, but he didn't return the kiss, he just stood there waiting for me to pull away and stop making myself look like a complete idiot. I pulled away and looked into his eyes, I could tell that the passion and lust that used to be in them was suddenly gone, I had lost his love. And there was nothing I could do about it, nothing but run to my room, dive under the blankets, and cry.


	3. Chapter 3 Breakdown

**_A/N:_ This chapter was particularly my favorite to write so far, please review. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer has full ownership of Twilight.**

_And there was nothing I could do about it, nothing but run to my room, dive under the blankets, and cry._

I darted up the stairs without looking back, looking back would be suicidal. All the memories I had with him over the months drained from my body, hallowing me. I had forgotten that Edward was still here, he might be the one thing that can make this feeling of emptiness disappear and fill me with even a small amount of happiness. The sooner I could get to my bed the better, I needed stability or I would surely collapse on the floor. Knees shaking, heat spinning, lungs begging for air and heart beating fast than what could be normal, I finally got to the bed. I dove into my comforter with tears streaming down my face and basking in the comfort, letting out a weak sob followed by much more powerful, ear-splitting wails. I prayed Jasper wasn't anywhere around here to hear me. My pathetic break down was interrupted by the mattress sinking in the spot next to me and two warm arms wrapping around me, I inhaled the smell of musk and I knew it was Edward. He didn't say anything, there was nothing to say and he knew it, there was no word that could make me feel any better. We lay in my bed, him holding me as I cried, in silence until he rested his chin on my shoulder, put his mouth right next to my ear and whispered, "Just breathe Bella, everything will be okay. I promise."

I took his advice and took a few deep breaths, which seemed to calm me down quite well. After deep breathing for a few minutes I was done weeping. The headache that came afterwards was excruciatingly painful but I was so worn from the days' events and the crying that I was out like a light and enjoying the time in dreamland that I undoubtedly deserved.

**EPOV**

Bella was a wreck. Whatever happened between her and Jasper down there was enough to push her overboard and cause a breakdown. There was nothing I could say to make anything better, all she needed was sleep. I lay there in her bed with her until she slipped into a deep sleep. I couldn't move, I might wake her and that would be selfish of me. As I was laying there, I began to think back to a time that wasn't too far back.

(Flashback)

_I looked up at the pale blue sky as I was walking to the middle of the forest, leaves crunching under my feet, to our spot. The location where everything in our relationship has happened. This forest clearing is my absolute favorite place to be. Once I reached the small oasis, I attempted to make myself comfortable, resting in between two trees on the forest floor while I waited for the person who held my heart completely to arrive. I took the opportunity to get inside my own head, which could be lethal. No matter how hard I tried I could never shake the images of what goes on in this very location from my head. When I thought back to the many scandelous activities we'd had here, I couldn't believe how long we had been going on these little rendevous without being caught by his significant other. The fact that we haven't been found out is exceptionally astonishing, because there is no doubt on this Earth that it cannot be kept a secret. As the minutes passed I became more and more impatient for the arrival of the expected party. My legs started in with their usual act of slightly shaking and I found myself constantly searching the premises nervously. In a matter of minutes I was slowly losing hope and dying inside due to the feeling of being stood up and then I was filled with fury. I was concerned as to why I would be left alone in the crisp autumn air when we never failed to meet up and spend our well deserved time together. Just as I was about to give up and go home I heard the familiar crunching leaves beneath hiking boots and the scent that unceasingly made my body fill with lust._

_"Well, well, well. Look who the cat dragged in." I heard someone chuckle behind me. I turned around to see the face that filled my dreams at night. Before I had chance to respond he took fistfulls of my shirt on both sides, backed me up against a tree, and started moving his lips with mine with such a force that I had never felt before. I have to admit that I loved every second of it. After minutes of the most passionate kissing I have ever experienced I felt his tongue dart across my lips requesting enterance to which I willingly complied. With our tongues twirling together in harmony I placed my hands on his hips and we fell to the ground like we always did. After a while both of our lungs were begging for air, forcing us to pull away. From there we just lay on the ground and talk._

_"This is beginning to get insane," I stated._

_"I know, but it's the only time and place we have. Would you rather we not see each other at all?"_

_"No, no. It's just.. sometimes.. I miss you more than I can handle," I said, witnessing the pain in my gut as my stomach dropped at the words that express what is going on inside me._

_"I know how you feel, but it's the only way. We can't risk being caught. As much as it kills me to say so. Do you know how much I wish we could just be. Like we didn't have to hide anything. But we live in a cold cruel world where that may never be possible, my friend." I could see the pain in his eyes, and I knew that he was going through the same shit that I was. _

_After a long pause I heard him say, "I'm really sorry but Bella is expecting me to arrive at her house any minute. Same time, same place next week?" He said with a grin. I hestitated before nodding at him. Envy raced through my blood. It's always about Bella, my best friend, his girlfriend. I secretly wish that they will break up soon. Not that I don't love seeing him happy but I guess green just isn't my color. He must notice the look on my face because he places his hand on my jawline and moves my head so I'm looking up, directly into his eyes and says, "I have a plan. A plan to get away from Bella"._

_Instantly I perk up, "You mean like for a day, or forever?" I ask trying to mask the hope in my voice._

_"For a while. I want to spend more time with you, and as much as I honestly love her, I can't do that with her around."_

_"Let's hear it." I say, trying not to beat around the bush._

_"Ok, I'm going to give her a present that will make her think I have cheated and then lie to her about cheating with Jessica Stanley, and then she will be pissed and we will fight. That's my plan. Sound good?" he asks. Before I have the chance to say anything he adds, "and she will probably call her best friend, you, for a shoulder to cry on. So that's your signal that it worked. Just act as her best friend, and pretend that you despise me. I promise that it will all work out and we can have more time together" he said with a big grin on his face. His phone starts to ring so all I can do is nodd that the plan is great while he answers it and promises Bella he will be there shortly. After saying his goodbyes to her and clicking his phone shut he pulls me into another suave kiss on the lips and I whisper in his ear, "_I love you Jasper."

_Before he turns to walk away, he holds my gaze with a crooked smile playing on his lips and my dick is instantly hard again. "_I love you too, Edward."


	4. Chapter 4 Snapped

**A/N: So sorry that it took my so long to update again! I have been writing a lot lately though. About a month ago I began this chapter but it took me forever to get it on the computer and edited. I really hope you like this chapter and I am actually planning on updating again VERY soon. Bear with me :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Twilight.**

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**EPOV**

After that very vivid flashback I decided I needed to get away. Bella was still in a peaceful slumber so I figured it was fine to leave. I was headed down the stairs when I heard a door opening, assuming it was Charlie coming home from work, I continued on my way. To my surprise it was actually Jasper.

"Oh, hey," I said nervously but with a small hint of a chuckle.

"Edward," he spoke. "Is everything okay? Where is she?" His voice sounded concerned and anxious – enough to make me feel really fucking jealous. He wanted to see her, and I wanted him all to myself. But not just want, I _needed_ him all for myself.

"Yeah, everything's okay. She's fast asleep." The tone of my voice sounded annoyed and I knew he noticed it when his lips formed into a devious grin.

"Good," he paused briefly, filling me with suspense. "Hey, meet me in our spot around 5 pm? We need to talk." I wasn't entirely sure if he was hinting at something else or if he really did just want to talk about something. Either way, it was time spent alone with the sex god that I call Jasper, and I wasn't about to complain. To kill some time before going to meet him, I walked to the store for a fresh pack of cigarettes. I lit one and made it last for an hour, until I got back home to wash up before leaving. By that time it was 4:45 and time for me to head out to our spot.

The second I got there I saw Jasper, sitting on a fallen tree trunk, staring at the ground. The crunching of the leaves beneath my feet must have given some notice to my arrival because his head tilted up in my direction and a small smile formed on his face.

He wasted no time with silly conversation. The second our eyes met he pulled me close to him and crushed his lips against mine, an action that I've fallen in love with. I lay on the forest floor breathing in sharp breaths of crisp fall air while Jasper planted saccharine kisses all over my body. My skin was tingling in every place where his lips met my skin. When he abruptly pulled away a soft groan escaped my lips, which informed him that I wasn't anywhere near ready for him to stop.

"Sorry, dude, but I really did need to talk to you about something," he smiled.

"About?" I tried not to make my curiosity evident.

"...Us," he took a long pause. "Bella is out of the way now. So we _could _technically be together... I mean only if you want to," he paused again but then added, "But of course we would have to keep it on the down low."

"Yes!" I said quickly and kissed him firmly on the lips. I worked my way slowly down his body, kissing his neck, pausing at his Adam's apple, and finally his chest before he pulled my face to his, obviously noting how mirthful we were. After a while of lascivious kissing, Jasper suggested that we go to his house for some well deserved privacy since his parents would be out for the night. I willingly complied, obviously.

The second we reached Jasper's house, we began again with the steamy kisses meanwhile shredding articles of clothing and bumping into every object in our path. We finally reached his bed, all of our clothes lost in our haste and passion. He pushed me on the bed and watched me for a moment before he reached into his nightstand and pulled out a condom. He slowly taunted me by opening it with his teeth and placing it on my pulsating erection. He then worked his way up to my face in a trail of romantic kisses, pausing only at my Adam's apple for a few seconds and ending with a suave kiss on my mouth.

"Are you ready for this?" He challenged with a playful grin.

"I've been ready my entire life." I replied with a cheeky grin. With that, he laid belly up on the bed, pulling me on top of him. I wasted no time and slid my rubber covered cock into his posterior end and began to thrust. I watched his face as I thrusted , his face overcome by a purely pleased expression and a low moan escaping his lips every single time. This made me thrust harder and harder. After at least a half an hour of high intensity fucking we both stopped at the creaking sound coming from the front room.

"Jasper... what the fuck... why are there clothes _everywher- _Oh my god!" It was Bella and she had just walked in the room to find her ex boyfriend and her best friend having sex.

"You... and him?...the... Jessica?... gay?!" She snarled in angry gasps as she attempted to figure out what was going on. She began to wail and left Jasper's house in an angry flee. Quickly, I pulled myself out of Jasper and scurried to find all of my clothes and get dressed.

"I'll be back," was all I had the chance to say to him before I had to go.

With that, I raced out of Jasper's house to find Bella situated at the hood of her car, scowling. As I got closer to her she proceeded to the driver side door and before I had the chance to speak she pulled the door open, ordered me to get in with an icy voice, and buckled her seat belt. I complied to avoid her getting even more pissed off than she clearly was already, but who could blame her.

We spent the first few minutes in complete silence. After a few minutes my mind started to wander and soon enough I was wondering where we could possibly be going. Before I could figure it out in my mind, she broke the silence.

"So all this time you two have been...? Is that why he broke up with me?" She seemed calm but the look on her face was more hurt than any other emotion.

"Uh...yeah we have been. And... no that's not why," I lied through my teeth. It would hurt her too much to hear this from me. She needed to hear it from Jasper and Jasper only.

"Liar," she snarled. "I can't believe you have the nerve to lie to my face knowing what you just did."

"I- I'm not lying," I stuttered.

She remained mute but made a sharp turn onto another street. Next to the street sign there was a big yellow sign that read "dead end."

"Bella... Um, this is a... dead end," I was quite obviously nervous.

"I _know_ that Edward," she snarled again, obviously annoyed, as she started to accelerate and easily push past the speed limit. In a matter of just a few seconds we were going entirely too fast and racing towards the trees at the end of the dead end which were seemed to be approaching all too quickly.

"Bella!" I shouted frantically. Before either of us had the chance to say anything else the car was hurled into the trees going well over 90 miles per hour. My head was impaled into something extremely hard. My head was spinning in all directions and I didn't know what in the world was happening to me when suddenly I felt a sharp shooting pain in my forehead and the next thing I knew I was surrounded by darkness. Nothing but darkness, and soon enough I was disconnected from the world.

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**I hope you liked it, if you have ANY questions about this chapter please feel free to email me or just simply add a review. I would greatly appreciate it! My email IS now on my profile by the way. Well thank you for reading, you are the best! **

**And reviews make Edward's soul happy.  
**


	5. Chapter 5 Aftermath

**A/N: I told you I might update really quickly :) but yeah, this chapter was one of the hardest to write. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: We all know Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight. Whatta lucky girl.  
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**JPOV**

As it got darker and darker outside, I laid in bed, alone, with no sign that Edward was coming back after running to catch up with Bella. I couldn't even imagine how much that had to of hurt her, seeing her ex lover and so called best friend laying face first, sweating, on top of each other amidst the tangled bed sheets. The complete and utter disgust on her face directed at us was almost scarring. It was as if she had just witnessed someone killing a baby kitten. Although I felt guilt about what she had seen under the circumstances of our past, the feeling of ecstasy I got from being with Edward took all of that away, and I no longer felt the pain, guilt, agony, or grief. Things were almost perfect besides the fact that Edward hadn't returned to my house or called. I was starting to feel a sinking feeling in my gut and could tell that something must be wrong. When I was finally dozing off, the television beeped loudly signaling there had been an amber alert issued and something about a fatal car accident with more information on channel 13. I grabbed for the remote and quickly turned it to channel 13.

"There has been a fatal car accident at a dead end with 2 passengers; one female and one male. We haven't any information or identification at this time. Stay tuned in for more."

With that, I clicked the television off and lay back on my pillow as tears started rolling down my cheeks. Although there was no identification, I had a distinct feeling that it was Bella and Edward, and the sinking feeling in my gut was becoming increasingly more profound. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I woke before the sun did the next day. The phone was ringing off the hook so obviously the person either had a death wish or they were calling for a very important reason. I sprang out of bed and leaped for the phone pressing the TALK button and saying hello in a breathless tone. The voice on the other side of the phone was recognizable as Edward's brother, Emmett and instead of being his usual cheery, lighthearted voice oozing through the speaker, his tone was serious. I had never in my life heard Emmett be serious.

"Jasper... It's Emmett."

"Uh, hey, Emmett, what's going on."

"Edward and Bella were in an accident last night. I'm calling all the people who are his friends to let them know, and to tell them his room number." With every word that Emmett spoke my heart beat slowed down until it was barely beating. My face flushed completely white and I found it hard to breath. I took a breath and tried to steady myself before speaking.

"So is he... uh... okay?" My concern for Edward was obvious.

"No news yet."

"Oh, and Bella?"

"She... is dead." His voice was still as serious as could be but I sensed pain as he said these words.

"Oh... Well thanks for calling. I'll be down as soon as possible."

"Okay, bye."

"Bye." As I said my goodbye my voice quivered and I sounded like an adolescent boy going through puberty. When the phone was back on the hook and I was certain that no one could hear me I broke down into sobs. My knees gave out and I curled my body into the fetal position in the middle of my bedroom floor and cried until I didn't think I could cry anymore. I mustered up enough energy to get into the shower and clean up, since I looked like a drowned rat after sobbing for an hour. Slowly I made my way to the hospital, every minute getting increasingly more terrified of what I was about to witness.

I stepped cautiously through the front door at the hospital and walked uneasily up to the front desk. The look of concern on the secretaries face when she asked how she could help me told me that I looked much too afraid to go in there and face Edward or his family. After she told me what room I would find him in and how I could get there, I followed her instructions, and the whole time I was in the elevator, I tried to get myself to calm down and look less like I had just seen a ghost. The ding that sounded when the elevator had reached the floor I needed to get off on snapped me out of this trance like state. I never thought that a simple noise could make my stomach drop all the way to the very tips of my toes.

_This is it, here goes nothing._

I reached out and grabbed the door handle of room 1017, pausing briefly to remind myself not to look scared and that everything would be alright. I turned the knob slowly, hoping that I wasn't going to be the only person in the room with him. I just couldn't do that, _no chance in hell._

When the door was ajar, I took one step inside, all of the heads in the room turned in my direction. Edward's mother, Esme, was the only one to speak.

"Jasper, thank you for coming. He's in a coma. The doctors haven't given us any information at all yet." Esme's usually chipper tone and glee-filled attitude seemed to have been overcome by an emotionless tone and she seemed to have almost no energy left in her petite body.

We all sat there in silence, each of us staring at either the off white walls or the checkered sea foam green and white floor tiles. The silence was broken by the audible sound of the door knob being twisted and the creak of the door as it was opened slowly. The man standing in the doorway studying a clipboard certainly didn't come off as the doctor type and if it wasn't for the long, white doctor's coat and stethoscope hanging limply around his neck, there would be no way for me to identify this man as a doctor – he hardly looked qualified. This made me uneasy. After looking at the clipboard a few more seconds, he lifted his head and walked further into the room. He walked over to the bed and scrutinized Edward's battered appearance, not muttering a single word the entire time. When he got a good look at Edward, his eyes grew so large I thought they would pop out of his head as he fell over onto the floor. Everyone's heads snapped up, alarmed at what had just happened and Emmett ran out the door, searching for someone to help.

After 5 minutes of pressing the help button next to Edward's bed, a medical assistant finally came rushing in in a panic to find the doctor sprawled out on the floor. She was able to successfully revive him with a damp wash cloth and fanning his face with her clipboard. Once he was able to drink a glass of water and stand up on his own, the assistant left the room to get to her other patients.

"Doctor, what was the issue?" Esme asked in calm but obviously irritated tone.

"The damages to this young man's face are devastating. I can't imagine anyone surviving this kind of damage," The doctor explained a look of fear took over his face.

There was a moment of silence before Emmett spoke, "How long?"

"I give him the rest of the night. I looked at his paper's before my arrival and it doesn't seem that his heart or brain are functioning properly. I'm very sorry." You would think that after a person just delivered this tragic news to a man's loved ones, that he would look at least somewhat deplorable.

"Thank you for your time doctor," Esme replied, meanwhile biting back tears. But the second he left the room tears began to flood down her face along with every other person in the room. We were allowed ten more minutes with Edward, to say our final goodbyes. While Esme was having her last precious moments with her son, the rest of us sat in the chairs, waiting our turns. No one spoke other than Esme and the words that cascaded from her mouth were heart wrenching. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to refrain from rupturing into tears. Blood from my cheek was pouring into my mouth and I silently cursed at myself for biting my cheek, I could have released some tears after all, everyone else was doing it. Before I knew it, it was my turn to have my time with Edward. I was the last and the rest of his family had left. Here I was, alone with Edward, just like I had been just a few hours ago except this time it wasn't fun. As I stood standing over Edward's white hospital bed looking down at him, plugged into a million different machines and becoming more pallid by the minute, I noticed a few drops of water hitting his pillow and realized they were my tears. I only had a few minutes left before visiting hours were over so I figured it was now or never to say my goodbyes.

"Edward, you little fucker you, if only we had locked the god damn door, we wouldn't be here right now. I want you to know that I realized you are my one true love," I could hardly speak due to the lump growing in my throat but I grabbed onto his limp hand, got down on my knees and sobbed into his side, "I'll never forget you. Ever. You will always be in my heart, bud. I wish this was fifty years into the future and you were dying peacefully in your sleep and I'll never forgive Bella for this but I want you to go up there and have the best damn time. This isn't goodbye because I'll be joining you up there soon but bye for now." I slowly stood up, still holding on to Edward's hand, just staring at him and somehow expecting his eyes to open up and make me feel like an idiot for saying all of that. But he didn't wake up. I placed his hand back on the bed against his side, wiped the tears from my face and took a few deep breathes so I didn't look like a mess once I walked out of the room, and took a step forward. My legs felt like jello, I reached my hand out to the wall for some stability and slowly turned the doorknob, opening the door as slowly as possibly. I was doing everything I could to stall and refrain from hearing the click of the door closing on my entire life purpose. I felt as though I might fall to the floor dead the second that were to happen. I took one last look back at my Edward before slowly shutting the door and hearing the click. I was okay, for now. My legs still felt weak so I used the wall to walk down the hallway, by the time I reached the front of the hospital I was alright to walk to my car. As I sat in the car and buckled my seat belt, I firmly grasped the wheel attempting to bite back tears as they began to flow down my face. I couldn't do it anymore, couldn't hold anything in. As I sobbed with my forehead resting on the steering wheel, I bashed my head into the wheel multiple times and the feeling of failing to hold anything in swept over me as I quickly threw open the door and heaved the contents of my stomach onto the pavement below me. When I thought I was finished I slammed the car door shut and turned the key in the ignition and put the car in drive.

When I arrived home, I was amazed that I was able to make it. As I pushed the front door open I was greeted by the mess Edward and I had made earlier. I didn't fucking care though. All I wanted to do was get in bed and sleep the pain of all this away. I lay there staring at the ceiling for what seemed like years before I was able to drift to an unpleasant sleep. A sleep filled with cold, cruel nightmares.


	6. Chapter 6 Without You

**A/N: I thought it would be fun to give you guys an update on New Moon premiere night! So here you go :) This one is REALLY short only because this was literally ALL that I wanted to be apart of this chapter. Enjoy & review review review.**

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**JPOV**

I woke up far too early for my likings, tired of having nightmares. I rolled over in bed and checked my phone for the good morning text message I normally received from Edward about this time every morning, when I saw that I had no new messages I remembered last nights events, Bella catching us, Edward being the good friend he is and going to make sure she was alright, and Bella slamming them into a dead end, killing both of them. And that's when it hit me, he was never coming back. I would never feel the warmth of his breath against my skin when he kissed me. I would never again feel his strong hands wrapped around me and hear his voice tell me everything would be okay when that was all I really needed. No more "I love you"s. Most importantly, there would be no more of the man I was in love with who made me feel complete. No more Edward. I lay there on the bed we used to share on occasion, wrapped in the silky sheets. Inhaling his familiar smell that would soon fade and forever be nothing but a memory.

As the reality sunk in deeper and deeper, I felt dead inside, I lay there crying. I was crippled. Not physically but mentally and emotionally. My head pounded and spun with the weight of questions that seemed unimportant piling up inside. Even if I wanted to try and answer them, my brain lost all understanding of everything that I had ever learned. I took one last, very large breath of air and his smell. Never wanting to let go of it, I held my breath. Soon enough my lungs would feel as though they were about to burst and my brain would die from the lack of oxygen and I would once again be with Edward, which was what I wanted, just to be in his presence for one last time. This sounded like more than even heaven had to offer.

I was laying in my bed unable to move when tears started to flow down my face and stain the sheets. As I exhaled and relieved my lungs, every memory we had replayed in my mind as I was sobbing into a pillow and lay there for days, doing nothing but crying. Somehow I managed to gain a little energy and stumbled into the bathroom. I turned the water on extremely hot and collapsed. The heat felt good against my icy skin.

I lay there trying to think of a good reason not to conclude my life. Since there was no longer anyone there to mend me, there was one thing I had to consider, and one thing only. My whole life I was told that suicide was ungodly, that you were guaranteed to go to hell. But what if I was lied to the whole time? What if there is no god? If there was he certainly was punishing me. If there really is a God, he failed me. Why would I want to obey a man that took away my better half and the only person I could ever love. I felt my mind was made up, I had no other choice. I mustered up enough energy and willed my body to move just a little, enough to grab hold of the razor that I keep in the shower. I carefully removed just one blade. The blade that would take my life. The blade that would take all this pain away.

As I mulled over what I was about to do, my hands started shaking. I brought the blade up to my arm, locating the artery in which I needed to cut open to end all of this misery. Feeling the cold of the blade against my skin I pressed down lightly until blood surfaced. The pain was excruciating but I pressed the blade deeper and dragged it slightly to the right, getting closer and closer to the artery of which I was aiming. With every centimeter I moved the blade there was more and more blood and more pain. It was unbearable at this point, I found myself slipping unconscious. The last thing I saw was blood swirling down the drain before everything went pitch black.


End file.
